haven't been blogging much these days. so much has happened. too much has happened. too sudden. too quickly. its all so blurry now. how could that happen? all our speculations about what happened is heartbreaking. i believe that every single one of us secretly hope that our speculations isn't what really happen. it just isn't right. so young, so fragile. gone. just like that. the long time taken to create life, the happy days lived. just gone. in a split second. everything's gone. how could she do this? everyone's asking but no one knows. some people hate, some people defend. but all of us cried at the loss of someone so precious, so dear. no one gave up on her. but maybe she did herself. just thinking bout it makes everyones' hearts ache. secretly, secretly, everyone hopes that she didn't do what we speculate she did.
i received the news when i was in the bus. someone called ling to inform her. in my mind i was skeptical. knowing ling's character. i thought her reaction was exaggerated. i asked her whether it was serious. ling bluntly said she's dead. it hit me like a big iron ball came down on me. my knees felt weak. but how could it be? i couldn't believe it. didn't want to believe it. even if she wasn't as close to me as she was to some others. she was still my friend. but when we reached sch. the news was more or less confirmed. still in my mind i was hoping that this was all a joke. until i saw it with my own eyes, did i believe that it was real. cried. prayed. cried again. there isn't much we all can do except cry. so much regrets from so many. so many reproach on themselves. but no one is to blame. no one.

snll drifted away at 5:50 AM ----------