thanks for listening bestie. :) i know i can always count on you for comfort. i love you so so so so much :). and i mean it.
ok so, i hope all's well and ends well. so many things i'm feeling now that i just can't put a finger on it. there's just this melting pot of emotions. good bad sad fat. whatever. its good its good. no its not good,its bad. whatever i'm doing there makes me feel sad. and when i feel sad i just get fat. OMGoodness. i don't know what i'm typing. but yeah. tt's the thing with me nowadays. i don't know. I DON'T KNOW. i really don't. someone please save me. 'i feel like a little girl,trying to conquer the whole wide world, everybody wants a piece of me and i just don't know where to turn...' i just feel a barrier, something that impedes me and separates me from ...well...me? maybe its just the emotional roller coaster tt's getting to me but i really feel restricted. no. not in the sense that my faith restricts me, in fact, that's what's keeping me alive now. thank God for God. something else that i just can't identify. but yeah.i know i'll be fine soon. i can feel it.
well, i know i have people who care, people who care alot. and i wanna thank you people. :):)
wishing hoping yearning praying for my clavinova to still actually work after being brutally taken apart by my dad who claims that the house has no space for it. i kinda miss it :( but i'm also hoping to get a more portable keyboard to last me through hall life, so...ohwell. we'll see.
at 11-ish am in the morning on tues. i went to the comm hall to play the piano for awhile. and it felt sooooo good. to just be alone. me myself and i and ok, the right side of my slipper. wild horses. my fave got-the-chords-but-essentially-figured-you-myself-out piano song by natasha beddingfield. wonderful lyrics which i've posted before. lovely melody. stuck in my head since the first time i heard it. and of course, love 2000's theme 'forbidden love' my fave song since p5. and a little of cannon in d and marriage de amour (or whatever you call that..i forgot!) mind to fingers, fingers to key, key to strings, strings to music. exactly my kinda relaxation. let the finger do the work, let the mind enjoy. my connection with the piano. both pianos that i miss so much from home. sigh.
snll drifted away at 10:10 AM
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