fell into the clutches of anger this morning. i just snapped and wanted to get away from it all. wanted to go to the secret place. to just spend time with me and You. but decided not to since i was pretty tired physically, mentally and emotionally. i will go there one of these days. and just enjoy a cake, read my book, and do some grocery shopping.
everything somehow feels better after a good sleep. somehow sleep seems to make a problem look smaller. at the moment in time, when the problem first appears, so many emotions overwhelm you that you simply cannot think properly. that's where fatal mistakes are made i guess. after sleep, its like you can see it all. crystal clear. the first thought that came to my mind was: 'there must be more that this'. there really must be. as much as the anger and hurt affected me, at the back of my mind, i knew, there must be more than this. to this life, to this girl, to this God of all creation.
had a heart-to-heart with hazel. told her about "the fateful year" where i experienced the hardest period in my life. my grandfather was taken away, as was my friend, and then my mickey. if i could weather those storms, nothing else can wear me down. what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. and in this case, what doesn't stop my love for Jesus, only makes me closer to Him more than ever. i told hazel, when i'm sad, God's my comforter. when i have a problem, God's my refuge. when i have a need, God's my provider. its so much more evident now when i see myself handling situations. i still feel sad, i still get angry more often than not and i still fuss complain whine about situations but deep down inside i know that there is truly truly more than this. there's a bigger picture, a higher authority, a greater love.
why did UDS have to be today? when i needed the kind of company i needed most? why did the song i chose for worship be sung today? when i chose it for a reason that speaks to me now?
There must be more than this
oh breath of God come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for you
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray
Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
a passion for your name
Spirit of God
fall in this place
Lord have your way
Lord have your waywith us
Come like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
leave us abandoned to your praise
Lord let your glory fall
Lord let your glory fall
snll drifted away at 11:42 AM
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