*whatever i say here isn't a correct reflection of me. its just a tiny part of me. tiny but strong.*

ok im sorry i didn't keep my promise of uploading pics. i just hate waiting! plus i'm not really in the mood. i'm not really sure who reads this blog. or at least i know mel does. which is fine cos she's a bestie. but i'm not sure WHO else. so i can't be explicitly clear about what and who i'm gonna talk about. but whatever. i'm gonna speak my piece and everyone else who's got an opinion (a negative one), go talk to the mirror.

me. sarah ng li lin. a girl. who's in her twenties. who's with a boy. who's in his twenties. who is joining manhunts after manhunts. who is winning them. who has girls THROWING themselves at him (and no. i am not one bit exaggerating). who has random skinny poodles (ok they're actually not that skinny but whatever) calling him pet names like "hairy hairy" and who knows what more (i just think its really dumb) and acts all damsel-in-distress-y. whom in his, i don't know, naive-ness, innocence, obligation or the dire need to bs with the particular skinny poodle, actually entertains her. with what i feel and actually told him many many times was "taking into consideration ZERO of my feelings". and guys will be guys. with all the "you're over-reacting", "you're being paranoid". and when he asks for a solution. which is a really simple one. to stop talking to the skinny poodle and stop "entertaining" her altogether. he argues back saying "you're demanding" and "its irritating". yes i know its irritating. but tt's way better than heart-breaking dont you agree? with my past experience. and just remembering it is heart-wrenching. like literally someone sticking their hands into your chest. taking your heart out. wringing it like it was used to wipe a dirty table. and pushing it back in so that you can feel every bit of pain that will proceed to unfold. as i was saying. with my past very very very bad experience. which i will not elaborate lest i wake my sis with my sniffing. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE THIS LYING DOWN?!?!?! no way. no FREAKING way.
UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH. i try to tell myself its nothing. which really it probably is nothing. but using her as a tool to wrench my heart is really working. i am angry!!! ANGRY. JEALOUS and ANGRY. which is not a good combination at all. how can anyone in their right mind flirt with someone who already has a bf/gf? i mean who would do that? WHY would you wanna do that? don't you know that will make alot of people HATE you? i mean. don't you know your limits? its your species that you'll be hurting man. whatever happened to the sisterhood? (though i admit, i wouldn't wanna be anywhere close to be associated with her). i just DISLIKE HER SOOOOOOO MUCH. howhowhowhowhowhow? howhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhow? and the bf's not on my side. NOOOOO. cos i'm unreasonable to be asking that he stops talking to her. which i probably am. but still. wo bu gan xin! you understand dear friends?!?! WO BU GAN XIN.
and she's not the only problem that i have to worry about. i predict throngs of them coming. UGH. and yes. i actually do know the "you have to trust him" stuff. and maybe i don't. because what he thinks is talking nonsense or just joking around is actually serious stuff to me. like for example. calling other people pet names. HELLO. pet names means you're on a certain level of familiarity with that person. how can you tell me it doesnt mean anything, and even if you don't mean it, what would the other party think with such ugh endearments? so you say she talks nonsense too. well. i dont see that happening to me.
and why dont i smile to your friends? oh oh! i know!! maybe its because SHE is there?!?! and the moment i see her i go into autopilot blackface mode. i dont wanna be a hypocrite and xiao li chang dao. i wish i could because the dao could really be of good use. if i don't like you. i'll make sure you know i don't like you. disgusting girls. i just don't get how we could have the same XX chromosome. ugh. the thought of being almost identical to her genetically makes my hair stand. it doesn't help that he is away at chalets after chalets and too tired to have a proper talk with me. me complaining and asking him questions, forcing answers out of him isn't really a proper talk. so if you're reading moses, YES ITS GONNA CONTINUE. though i guess i can lessen the wrestling and tickling and get down to real talking.

WHAT TO DO?!?! I'M SO FRUSTRATED BY THIS. I WISH I COULD GO UP TO HER AND SAY STOP FLIRTING WITH MY BOYFRIEND YOU STUPID TINGTONG. and maybe slap some sense into her (girls, please dont really do this, cos i don't think i really am gonna do this, after all, i don't wanna stoop to her level of despicableness)

UGH. this is how i feel. and i can't help it!!!! so help me!!!! :(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
>:( X1000

snll drifted away at 8:17 AM ----------