of three signs and one truth

So as most might know, I've been contemplating leaving the museum for awhile now, looking on to different directions as led by the spirit (or so I hope to think). It just amazes me, how little I can give to God, but how steadfast his blessings and promises remains. I am literally awestruck, gasp-and-cover-my-mouth-kind at His faithfulness and love for me. Where man lacks, God restores; where the world fails, God succeeds.

I shall repeat the story for those who might not know... there's been some push factors that spurred me to contemplate leaving, because honestly if there wasn't, I'd get so comfortable because I get along so well w most of my colleagues, and of course, it doesn't hurt to have one of your bestest friends sitting right next to you. I shan't elaborate on the push factors because they are insignificant compared to how God has drawn me to the direction He wants me to align myself to.

Because the thought of leaving was planted in my mind, I decided that I should pray about it, and get my family, the girls and even ramen to pray for me too, to get a clear sign from God that this is what He wants me to do. after all, who wants to leave a relatively stable well-paying job without a confirmation?

so sometime in June, I went for the church camp with this on my mind, and I really went thinking that this will be a good time to sort my thoughts out w God. Naturally, I felt compelled to go for one of the alter calls. calling for purpose and direction in life (as much as it is a common alter-call-reason, it still felt strangely apt for me!). Pastor Stanley prayed for me during the alter call, and he spoke a vision, he said, he saw me speaking in front of a people, with "little hearts fluttering". The moment he said that, children popped into my mind. Not just any children, but the children I'm sponsoring in Myanmar. I've had the opportunity to go to Myanmar to visit them and help with some teaching etc with VisionTrust sometime early this year, but couldn't because I couldn't get my leave cleared. Though I didn't realise, it must've weighed on my mind more than I could have known. I felt that maybe, God was telling me something. Teaching perhaps? 

I asked Pastor Stanley the following week whether he remembered the vision he spoke, and whether he had any inkling what it meant. Well, lol, he didn't remember. But of course, these visions would probably seem like gibberish to him and will only mean something to the person concerned, so I shared with him what I saw as well and he encouraged me to keep on praying and keep an open mind with regards to what I should do.

I took that as my prayer angle. a vaguely specific angle. speaking in front of a people, "little hearts fluttering". those little hearts must be children!

so, I applied for a teaching position in MOE. with all my heart gunning towards teaching secondary school bio. the first cfm-chop sign appeared. I received a mail from the department that was private and confidential. it was actually sent to me wrongly because they were actually review forms that was supposed to be sent to Boss. i realised then that it was crunch time. when i passed the forms to my colleague, she reminded me that i should talk to someone about the probs i've been facing at work and I really dreaded that because it was an awkward thing to do. talking about a problem to a superior somehow makes it official. so i was a little anxious about everything. when I should talk, when i'd receive a response. but God had it all worked out. when i got back to my seat and checked my email, I saw the email calling me down for an interview, I was so happy! I thought, this MUST be it! but when I saw what I was offered: PE PRI, I was like... -.-". I asked Geraldine mostly, what I should do, and she said just email them to ask them whether it's possible for them to change it. and I think they have a standard reply, to say that the position offered is based on your academic qualifications and other relevant factors, if there should be any problems, I can raise it up during the interview. A little worried and doubtful of the first sign, but I went anyways.

The interview was on 12th July, which was, looking back, God's impeccable timing, because I was supposed to have some meeting of sorts then, which was cancelled due to some reasons, allowing me to take a leave for that day to go for the interview! I decided to raise my concerns and my interest in teaching secondary school bio. What they would say disheartened me. "There is no need for secondary school biology teachers at this point in time, what the Ministry needs are primary school teachers." I persisted in telling them about my physical limitations where it comes to PE. and after hearing what I had to say, the interviewers then questioned the administrative personnel why I was offered PE. The reason she gave was because I had netball in my CCA records. Out of 20 CCAs I have, you chose to see the 1 sport I ever did and did only because it was a requirement in hall to have 1 sport?! At the end of it all, I was offered PRI EMS (English Maths Science) and asked whether I'd be willing to accept that. I think my tone was a little hesitant, but I said yes.

I was a little perturbed by the fact that they wouldn't offer me the secondary school track, where I thought degree holders would normally be. but after thinking about it for awhile, i realised that if i looked at the bigger picture of going for teaching missions, the age group of children that i mostly will be handling will be between the age of 7-12 no? but still, i wasn't fully convinced.

then came the second cfm-chop sign. during work one day, a colleague came in with a science exam paper that a pri 6 student left behind in the museum. we all took a peek at the paper and tried to answer the questions. guess what... we couldnt! well, we could for some, but still, the level of difficulty for these questions far exceeds what we learnt in pri school in the past! i was so humbled by that. i am so not over-qualified to teach at the pri level. my pride was in the way for a moment and God provided the experience to bring me back.

so... waiting for the appointment letter to come was a chore. I was due to go for a review soon and I needed to know my plans, but there wasn't any word from them. just when I started to be kanchiong spider, i received an email on 2nd Aug saying that I was offered a contract teaching position and that they will send the hardcopy letter with the details. I rcved the letter on the 7th, was called to go for briefing on the 10th, and appointment will commence 10 september. which i couldn't so i took a long shot and asked if i could go for the briefing at a later date and postpone the apptment date. she offered going for the briefing sometime in late august, and mentioned that because of that, I could only commence my apptment 2 Jan 2013. once again, God's perfect timing! my contract at the museum ends in October. I would be free for nov and dec before i begin, which gives me ample time to go for a short holiday and mission trips without having to worry bout leave matters!

then i realised that the position stated on the back of the letter said: PE PRI. i literally grunted. my mom was w me. I told her about it and she said that they must've not been paying attention during the interview because they wouldn't be offering me PE if they looked at my pattern. so encouraging right. so i took another long shot and emailed them about it. i got a reply:

"Dear Sarah

We wish to explain that the change in subject specialisation is generally not allowed as the assignment of subjects takes into account the academic qualification of the candidates and the needs of the Education Service. We would forward your request to the relevant officer for consideration."

SADDED. but i would still wait and continue praying. I remember talking to the girls and being quite sian about it.

so now, 15th Aug. had a talk w my dep director (thanks Joey, Grace, Ting An, Boon Hong for praying for me!) about my plans for the future. at the beginning of the week, i was pretty sure that i would quit. but after concerns raised by my parents, fueled by thoughts of my own inadequacy for PE, i wasn't really sure anymore. i couldn't give him a definite answer though I was supposed to because i just didn't know now. where he usually would fervently dissuade me from leaving, he was actually quite ok with it. telling me the perks of being a PE teacher, and how whatever decision I make, the museum will support and that i should do what i think is best for me. a strangely calming talk.

i met up w Rebecca, Linda and Jamie for dinner tonight, and i was just updating them about this. i told them about the visions, the direction that i was led towards and how now, i'm wavering. but Rebecca said something that spoke to me. She said something along the lines of that sometimes when we think thoughts, who places those thoughts in your mind? when doors are opened for us, who opens those doors? when opportunities are given for us to take a shot at, who grants them? as long as it isn't something wrong, aren't they all from God? i was really encouraged by that. yes they are from God and I should continue praying and trusting that He will make things right. "Nevertheless, not my will but Yours be done" right?

and i'm back now (technically 16th Aug), writing this post at 2:30am because I've just checked my mail and received my third (and i believe final) cfm-chop sign.

"Dear Ms Ng,

Please refer to your e-mail dated 7 Aug 12, regarding your request to change your teaching subjects.

We have reviewed your request and pleased to inform you that it has been approved. Your newly assigned teaching subject is as follows:

PGDE (Primary) (General)

Thank you and we wish you all the best in your teaching career.

Regards,
HR person"

After all these things, what more can i doubt? not only about this issue but with others as well, as long as i keep praying and trusting, what can't He do?

"He has made all things beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. " - Ecclesiastes 3:11

this is the one truth God has shown me.

He made everything beautiful for me and set eternity in my heart.

For the life of me, i cannot fathom what God has done and will do in my life from the moment He created me to the moment He brings me home.

What i do know is that even though i am weak and flawed, His power is made perfect in me, and I in His love. and there is absolutely nothing that can take that away from me.

thanks to everyone who prayed with and for me, and to everyone who encouraged me along the way. most imptly, THANK YOU JESUS!







snll drifted away at 11:58 AM ----------